true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
