Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My pussy is not your playground.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
