take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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