i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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