i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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