the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
