I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
