I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
