she looked like the bat from fern gully.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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