chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
