i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
