You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i think i just lost a toe
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
