I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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