we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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