i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
