my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
These tits shall not be calmed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
