Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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