Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
