my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
