He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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