Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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