she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
