I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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