Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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