Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
