All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
