ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
