help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
