Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They have beer where we have blood.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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