Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
