what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
