you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
