Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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