And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
never play flip cup with pint glasses
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
