just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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