It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
