Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
