I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
