the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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