does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Buhtt sex?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
