There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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