I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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