hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
