WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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