I heard we made out
time to smoke my breakfast
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
