you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
