Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
