physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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