Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
