so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
