That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
